• Jokes 27/7

    From GM3YEW@CAPCITY to HUMOUR on Sat Jul 27 03:40:00 2019
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    As Grandmother used to say

    You never miss the water until the well runs dry

    -------

    Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going
    to catch you in next.
    -- Franklin P. Jones

    ----

    Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and
    play games -- but not with pleasure.
    -- Leo Rosten

    -----
    Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they
    charge fifteen cents for them.

    -----

    Doctors at a hospital in Birmingham have gone on strike.
    Hospital officials say they will find out what the doctors' demands
    Are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!

    -------------

    Hummm let me think , ...why did I send you this......

    Don't tell me it's coming to me..... Oh ya.....

    Senior citizens are constantly being criticized

    For every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary.

    We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.

    HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out

    That it was NOT the senior citizens who took:

    The melody out of music,
    The pride out of appearance,
    The courtesy out of driving,
    The romance out of love,
    The commitment out of marriage,
    The responsibility out of parenthood,
    The togetherness out of the family,
    The learning out of education,
    The service out of patriotism,
    The Golden Rule from rulers,
    The nativity scene out of cities,
    The civility out of behaviour,
    The refinement out of language,
    The dedication out of employment,
    The prudence out of spending,
    The ambition out of achievement, or,
    God out of government and school.

    And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated

    Patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others

    And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism,

    And remember those who have fought and died for our country.

    YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

    I'm the life of the party..... Even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
    I'm very good at opening childproof caps... With a hammer.
    I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
    I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
    I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
    I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
    I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine. I'm so cared for --- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.

    I'm not really grouchy, I just don't like:

    Traffic,

    Waiting,

    Crowds,

    Lawyers,

    Loud music,

    Unruly kids,

    Barking dogs,

    And a few other things I can't seem to remember right now.

    I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
    I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
    I'm beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.
    I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days,
    And when did they let kids become policemen?
    I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150? And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?

    I'm a walking storeroom of facts.....

    I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.

    Now if I could only remember who sent this to me,

    I wouldn't send it back to them, but I would send it to many more!

    Have an Awesome Day

    ------------------

    During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted
    Doctor was asked by a reporter: "Doctor, did you ever make a
    Serious mistake?"

    "Yes," was the reply, "I once cured a millionaire in three visits!"

    ---

    Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that
    Expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call
    From the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the
    Work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for
    Them.

    Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I
    Am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking
    Sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows
    Would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.
    There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally
    Just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot!

    -------------

    "Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in
    His 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could
    Have survived he did not know.

    He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction
    He would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding D
    ---
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